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Do You Fear Losing Your Freedom In Relationships?
This article from Dave Booda on his blog Boodiasm.com explores why men are often afraid of deep relationships.
Freedom is very important to men, and many men would choose their freedom without hesitation over the 'trap' of a deep relationship. Even more so men that had caregivers in childhood that were authoritarian or controlling will often lead to a stronger desire for freedom in adulthood:
"Since we often see deep love connection as a threat to our freedom, we end up having to make a choice. On one hand we can have a life where we fully express our purpose and live what’s true for us moment by moment but don’t engage on the deepest level with our romantic partners. On the other hand we have a life of deep connection and fulfillment in relationships yet we will be limited by not being free to fully live out our purpose in life. Both of these options aren’t great, yet this is the reality for many men."
This fear can often be the reason a relationship will fail in its early stages. Or it may be the reason you find yourself jumping from short-term to short-term relationship:
"The reason he is holding back is because he is associating a deep relationship with entrapment. If he allows himself to love her fully, he can’t control the outcome. We all do this, men and women. We don’t give ourselves fully to relationships because we’re afraid we won’t like the outcome in the future."
However, the source of this fear may actually be a fear of losing control:
"That’s it. If it’s love, it’s unpredictable. I realized that if I wanted to have deep, loving relationships, I had to give up a particular outcome. I had to let it be out of my control. I could hold back and have the life I thought I wanted or I could love fully and roll the universal dice. Only if I was willing to roll the dice and give up control would it be possible for me to fully experience a deep relationship."
He goes on to explain that he had always held back in past relationships and as a result never experienced a great one. Therefore his fear of losing his freedom was based on a flawed assumption of what a relationship could be.
Read the full article here on http://boodaism.com/deeprelationships/