The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships -Tony Robbins

There comes a time in a man's life when he looks around and realizes he's made a mess of everything. He's dug a hole for himself so deep that not only can't he get out, but he doesn't even know which way is up anymore. And that hole for me is, and has always been, relationships. - The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, Neil Strauss

The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships chronicles the difficult jour...

Emotional attunement or mirroring can be defined as the ability to recognise, understand and engage with another's emotional state. In intimate relationships, a lack of emotional attunement leads to unhappiness, distrust, resentment and loss of loving feelings. Our ability to attune to others is initially learned in childhood, from our primary caregiver (often our mother).

Emotional attunement should begin in infancy, with a mo...

Having healthy personal boundaries allows us to get close to other people in relationships whilst staying protected from emotionally hurtful or manipulative behavior. However, people who have experienced emotional trauma may have unknowingly constructed impenetrable walls in place of healthy personal boundaries. Emotional walls make close intimate relationships very difficult and create a distance which makes relationships wea...

Steven Carter with co-author Julia Sokol has written much about a condition called commitment phobia. Commitment phobia is the inability to create deep, emotionally connected and long-lasting relationships. Commitment phobia can be easy to identify in those people who frequently run from relationship prospects as soon as they get serious. But on the other side of the coin are the people who frequently find themselves involved...

Gaslighting is a term that is being used in the media much more frequently. It is used to describe a form of emotional manipulation that causes the victim to question their own perception of reality enabling the gaslighter to feel in control. It is a widely used behavior by dictators, cult leaders and narcissists. 

The term itself originated in a play from the 1930's called Gas Light. The play is about a husband...

March 25, 2018

People with a secure attachment style make up around 50% of the population. A relationship with at least one securely attached partner is proven to be a happier and more satisfying relationship. In childhood securely attached people had parents (or caregivers) who where mostly responsive and sensitive to their needs. The parent/s were there for them when needed and provided an environment of emotional safety. Other factors tha...

March 13, 2018

Fear of abandonment develops in childhood and is the result of a parent (or caregiver) leaving you physically or emotionally at some point. This may have been only temporary; for example if a parent had a serious illness and was in hospital for periods of time or if they had to work multiple jobs and where hardly able to be at home. It may have been permanent; if a parent walked out and left the family or if they died. It migh...

February 28, 2018

Love bombing is the hyper-pursuit and showering of affection on a target person to effectively gain control of that person. It is a form of manipulation that is highly effective.

The critical inner voice damages relationships by attacking self-confidence, insecurities and blaming partners as a type of faulty defense mechanism.

Fearful-avoidant attachment (also called disorganized) is an insecure form of relationship attachment which affects around 7% of the population. It is a combination of dismissive-avoidant and preoccupied-anxious attachment styles. Those with fearful-avoidant attachment believe that they do not deserve or are unworthy of love. However, equally, they do not trust needing another person for fear that they will be reject...

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About Me

I'm a trainee emotion & relational therapist. I believe that successful relationships are the key to happiness and human evolution as a whole. 


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